Great Range Traverse, 8-10 February 2002
The Return of Mule Man and Little Boy

Say goodbye to the Mule Man.

James and I stopped by the Noon Mark Diner and had a meal that for the first time in three days was not wrapped in a plastic bag. The weather had turned to crap. The High Peaks were cloaked in dark cloud. We didn't feel bad at all about our decision. We drove back to the Loj and I transferred my gear to my Jeep. We thanked one another for a good time, then said goodbye.

We had gotten close. Another three miles and we'd have done it. But those three miles...

cafˇfeine
Pronunciation: ka-'fEn, 'ka-"
Function: noun
Etymology: German Kaffein, from Kaffee coffee, from French café
Date: circa 1823
: a bitter alkaloid C8H10N4O2 found especially in coffee, tea, and kola nuts and used medicinally as a stimulant and diuretic

The drive home was long, lonely, stimulant-enchanced, and uneventful. The rain poured during the entire return trip. I don't have much else to say about it. Other than this:

  • Hey, you freak in the rust Dodge Durango on 17 South outside Ho-Ho-Kus: just because you want the center lane, just because you need it, doesn't mean you can have it, particularly if my mass currently occupies said spot in the universe. You are screwing with physics. You dolt.
  • You too, blue Volvo station wagon.
  • And you, you jabbering sack of bricks in the silver Mercedes. By the beatific smile on your face regardless of the fact that you very nearly killed a busload of grade schoolers and didn't even notice, I am convinced that some time very soon you will be taking the form of Evel Knievel, and I hope it's Snake Canyon for you, I really do.

I have never wanted to be out of New Jersey more in my life.

I got home a little before midnight. I was done with the Great Range Traverse. No need to go back. There were and are worthwhile goals in the High Peaks. The North Face of Gothics. Trap Dike. Innumerable ice climbs. Ski tours. Fun stuff.

Then James and I started talking a bit. He sent me a story about a local who had climbed Everest. The local and his partner had done most of their training in the Daks. They had done the Great Range Traverse. In winter. James and I talked.

It's really not that hard. You just need to know the route and be fit.

So maybe we go back this summer or fall. We do the thing with only water and GU in a continuous push in clear conditions. We get the thing wired, scope all the descents. It may take two days. So we bring a tarp. Maybe we cut out the first leg, go straight for Armstrong and head over. And if we do it...

Well. Yes. Of course. We'd have to come back in winter.

Why?

No reason in particular.

If you have a Great Range story, talk to me.

Trip Sponsors: Little Red-Haired Girl, Noon Mark Diner, Folger's Instant Latte, Planter's mixed and honey roasted nuts, Bayer Aspirin, EMS Stretch Bibs (French flavored), BD Raven, earplugs, Fine Foods Northwest Chocolate Covered Espresso Beans, Not Yupi, MSR Warranty Department, O Canada, New Baltimore Service Area, The Sundays: Blind - "24 Hours," The Mountaineer, muleish benevolence, talkin' of twangin', good advice, curiosity that didn't kill the cat, Michelin Cross Terrain tires, Starbucks, The Cure: "Close to Me," Spicoli, borrowed duct tape, trading falls this time, NY State Police: "Spotter says you didn't have no seat belts on" (p.s., Spotter is blind), gravity and bail times, The Root of All Evil, Next Time.