things=good
posted: 03/27/07

As a good friend of mine recently pointed out, it's been a long time since I've written something like that, above. There.

So yeah. A month or so later, things are coming together. For fear of other-shoe-dropping I'll leave it at that.

I'd like to introduce you to Fergal. He is a 140lbs. groundhog occupying and devouring a significant tract of land in the backyard.

And while I'm just slightly ahead of the game, I'll leave you with this, which is attached to a hair dryer I've been looking at for a not insignificant amount of time:

It's a bit much, wouldn't you agree? Let's break it down, shall we?

"UNPLUG IT"
Okay, generally good advice. I object to the careless and potentially inept overuse of quotes (but perhaps you meant "the double-fingery variety"), but otherwise, I'm with you so far. Next, let us consider:
DO NOT REMOVE THIS TAG!
They mean it! Can't you see the resolve?! And why would you?! This tag is integral to critical operations! Don't you realize that your every move is tracked by barcode?! Are you insane?!?! In the spirit of Mr. Sparkle, can you do any less?!?!?! And now, we move on to:
WARN CHILDREN OF THE RISK OF DEATH BY ELECTRIC SHOCK!
I've had about enough of your B.S.
And by the way, nice clawfoot tub drawing, Brother Jebediah. But I'm frankly kind of shocked (get it?!) that you've installed electricity in your clearly otherwise Amish household.

The tag has always kind of bothered me. Because I can't get the mental picture out of my head of tucking little Johnny in, late at night, telling him a nice bedtime story, giving him a little pat on the head as his eyes close, and then, just as he drifts off, screaming: "DO YOU KNOW THAT YOU VERY WELL COULD DIE - AT ANY MOMENT, SO NEVER, EVER LET YOUR GUARD DOWN - OF ELECTRIC SHOCK?! SEEK THE CARE OF A PROFESSIONAL HAIR STYLIST FOR GOD SAKE!"

Goodnight, Johnny. Pleasant dreams, you little lightning rod, you.

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